This post has an audio and video recorded version for those who prefer to learn by hearing rather than by reading. Scroll to the bottom for the video of me reading it. I think we would actually all be fine if we would drop the word “consequences” from our vocabularies entirely. I’d certainly prefer it … Read more
A post originally from two years ago, of a time when I “got it right” with playfulness, and with seeing “misbehavior” as a plea for playfulness. *** My 2yo and I were sitting at the kids’ dinner table. My 3.5yo always has a hard time with dinner. He’s groggy from his nap and his blood … Read more
I originally recorded this lecture for a group who work tutoring children with dyslexia and other learning difficulties. It’s based on a lot of experiences I’ve had with children getting referred to me in my occupational therapy role, with goals to improve their handwriting. But how can I, an occupational therapist, work within the bounds … Read more
I had the opportunity to speak to a group at one of the schools where I work on the topic of discerning whether kids’ “behavior” could be motivated by sensory processing, or whether it’s just “acting out”. (If you’ve been following this page for any amount of time, you might guess the spoiler alert that … Read more
I posted last week about the overuse of the word “listen” to mean “obey” in adult/child relationships — i.e., “you’re not listening to me” when what the adult really means is “you’re not complying with what I told you”, not, “your ears are not processing the language I’m saying.” A lot of people in the … Read more
Once you start paying attention to how often adults say “listen” to euphemistically mean “obey”, it’s hard to get it out of your head. I think many of the adults I know are trying very hard to be gentle and respectful with kids, and they would feel wildly uncomfortable saying the exact same sentences if … Read more
Exerting power over a child just for the sake of exerting it is a threat to the child’s feelings of safety, and they know it. They’ve been living in this world for however many years, and they’ve learned it. They might not be able to say it in words, but they feel it innately. Children … Read more
This quote sums up everything I’ve ever tried to say about “behavior” and does it so perfectly succinctly in four sentences. What’s the best-case scenario? That instead of wanting to get revenge on children for the ways they act that inconvenience, bother, or annoy us, we start to soften. We start to see them empathetically. … Read more
This post has an audio and video recorded version for those who prefer to learn by hearing rather than by reading. Scroll to the bottom for the video of me reading it. Someone recently asked me, “I want my child to know that they can feel their full range of emotions without any emotion being … Read more
If my partner and I were chatting and he said “Ughhh, I’m so stressed out by writing this dissertation, I could just throw my computer out the window!” I wouldn’t say, “Well, you aren’t allowed to throw your computer out the window.” I might say, “I know. I know it’s maddening.” If my boss and … Read more