In response to my assertion that kids are inevitably doing the best that they can do, someone will almost always ask a question about a child who is vehemently endorsing the opposite. A child who is angry and making sure everybody around them knows it. A child who might be regularly yelling and screaming exact … Read more
Let’s imagine a toddler who tries to pull the glasses off of mom’s face. The purpose of punishing the child (hitting or flicking them, yelling a big scary “no”, putting them in time-out isolated from others, etc) would be to make it unequivocally clear that the grownup is more powerful than the child, and can … Read more
My kids got new water bottles and were at the table having a rare treat of red juice. While they can normally carry their water bottles freely around the house, I told them while they had red juice in them, and were inside, they needed to stay at the table. Several times, they both got … Read more
If a child feels the deepest depths of sadness they’ve ever felt, and expresses it by becoming silent, laying their head down on their desk, and silent tears rolling down their face — adults will probably offer them comfort. Maybe tissues, maybe hugs, maybe a quiet listening ear. If a child feels the deepest depths … Read more
DOCTOR’S REPORT PATIENT: Kelsie Olds DOB: XX/XX/XXXX CONCERNS: Patient’s family report that the patient is continually making annoying noises with their nose, mouth, and throat. These include: sneezing frequently, blowing nose frequently, making a scratching noise with throat and mouth. There are other behavioral concerns as well. The patient uses their hands to excessively rub … Read more
Imagine how unsafe you would have to feel before you would punch somebody. Imagine how threatened you would have to feel before you would intentionally knock things over and run away. Imagine how distressed you would have to be to throw yourself to the floor rather than go somewhere. Really imagine it. Really imagine your … Read more
Imagine that you sit down to watch a movie. You pop yourself a bowl of popcorn to go with it…maybe your favorite toppings, whether salt and butter or marshmallow or Parmesan cheese or something else…you pick up the remote, hit play, and get ready to watch the movie while eating your popcorn. Then somebody takes … Read more
Sometimes parents are uncomfortable with the behaviorist strategies used by their schools. (ABA strategies, PBIS/PBL strategies, rewards charts, clip charts, smiley face charts, ClassDojo, etc.) I think it would be outright impossible for me to write to every single possible permutation of every individual situation, but my hope is that this very thorough post can … Read more
I have had lots of questions from people about “sensory mismatch” lately. Sensory mismatch is my phrase for it when two (or more) people in the same environment (like home, a classroom, etc) have different sensory processing styles, AND those different processing styles are causing a clash of some kind. I recently gave a whole … Read more
The phrase “behavior is communication” was invented in response to a set of ideas, a counter to them. One of these ideas is that children’s inconvenient or strange or annoying behavior is a sign of some character flaw in the child. That they’re doing it to defy or annoy or enrage the adult. Another idea … Read more