I wrote a couple of weeks ago about silly-dysregulation for the first time on here. It’s the winter school holidays here in Australia, and it turns out that same silly-dysregulation was kind of the theme of the break. The pattern would be heralded by a grating new stim of hoarse shrieking and then escalate into … Read more
We ran an errand today, and my kids, 7 and 6, had a lovely cheerful moment on the way there. “Summer, you have so many ideas because you have a DHD brain,” my son Apollo enthused, somewhat out of nowhere, with his iteration of the vocabulary we’ve been explaining and discussing over and over … Read more
“She’s really shy,” you find yourself saying. “She’s afraid to go and play with the other kids. When we go to the playground she’s anxious about leaving me.” She’s three. And you just want to support her. And, if pressed to explain what you mean by “support”, you might say: you just want her to … Read more
I wrote recently about preemptive co-regulation with my child — when I stepped in to help regulate escalating emotions and energy back down before a meltdown had even started. Here’s another example. I’m gonna be slightly technical here and say that this was an example of me defusing silly-dysregulation. I have loads of writing on … Read more
Let’s imagine a toddler who tries to pull the glasses off of mom’s face. The purpose of punishing the child (hitting or flicking them, yelling a big scary “no”, putting them in time-out isolated from others, etc) would be to make it unequivocally clear that the grownup is more powerful than the child, and can … Read more
I was on my way to pick up my kids from school that day when I had an unusual impulse that I really wanted to just like, hang out with them, outside of the patterns of our normal everyday life. I thought maybe going to McDonald’s and going inside and sitting down at the restaurant … Read more
I remember the first time I moved houses in my adult life. We called some older, adultier friends over to help us move. I don’t remember all the specifics, but I know one of them asked us if we were totally packed and ready, and I confirmed that yeah, we just needed help grabbing stuff … Read more
I told my kid that they could have an ice cream alongside their lunch. While lunch was cooking, they said something rude to me. My impulsive reaction was to want to tell them that they could no longer have ice cream alongside their lunch. (Deep breath.) That reaction is wholly, exclusively, punitive. That reaction is … Read more
My kids got new water bottles and were at the table having a rare treat of red juice. While they can normally carry their water bottles freely around the house, I told them while they had red juice in them, and were inside, they needed to stay at the table. Several times, they both got … Read more
Pretty much the entire public school system in Western society (which is the only school system I have personal experience with, hence my qualifier) is rooted in: Adults decide when kids need to know stuff. Adults tell the kids the stuff. Adults test to see if the kids retained the stuff. Adults try to enforce/motivate … Read more