Let me tell you a fable. Once upon a time, an expert doctor was studying a child who ran away from rooms that had air-conditioners in them. Air-conditioners had only recently been invented, and it took some doing to figure out exactly what the child was running away from, but without a doubt, if he … Read more
My son huffed at a puddle that he didn’t want to be there the other day and said, “The rain is making bad choices!” It made me laugh, because it was cute and funny. And then it made me think, because most of the adults I know who say, “___ is making bad choices,” are … Read more
This is going to be very long. And this was the hardest post to write this month. I sat down to write it three or four times before I was actually able to make myself do so. I’m going to do my absolute best to write it with grace and empathy; I hope you will … Read more
“Compliance isn’t respect, and noncompliance isn’t a lack of respect” is a big lesson for adults to learn. One thing that has continually blown me away as I’ve learned and grown on this journey of coming to understand child development is how much language plays a role in this. I took completely for granted how … Read more
I sat in on a behavior plan meeting one time where the adults were somewhat baffled. All the “usual tricks” hadn’t worked for the child: reward charts, earning privileges, stickers, etc. Finally what they agreed as a team to put into the behavior plan was that this child would respond best if given “unconditional positive … Read more
There are times in my life when I start feeling my own internal “defiance” increase—though I don’t usually call it by that word. I start feeling resistant to having to answer people about the decisions I’m making. I bristle against having to respond to demands. I start feeling “touched out” by my kids touching my … Read more
(From the archives of my own personal FB page, a story from when I was an early therapist. I would do some things differently now, but I still appreciated the story.) *** I have a kid who I see every week at the same time. He’s usually working on the same in-class spelling worksheet, and … Read more
“Stop crying” was one of the most repeated things I heard in my childhood — definitely the most repeated “correction” I ever heard. I was constantly crying too much. And constantly in trouble for it. All parent/teacher conferences were like, “She’s doing great at x, y, and z…but she cries all the time…” The only … Read more
One of the most asked questions that I ever get—both in comment form, and in email form. I finally took the time to really write out a very long post answering it. Q: How can I help my child when they’re already at the crisis point—the point of melting down, hitting, kicking, throwing, etc? Assuming … Read more
I had a kid recently who is not on my caseload. Their teacher asked me offhandedly about something they do, what I would call a stim. In their case, they pick at the skin on their fingernails until the point of bleeding. They’re not distressed by the picking, but they are distressed by the blood. … Read more