I told my kid that they could have an ice cream alongside their lunch. While lunch was cooking, they said something rude to me. My impulsive reaction was to want to tell them that they could no longer have ice cream alongside their lunch. (Deep breath.) That reaction is wholly, exclusively, punitive. That reaction is … Read more
During one of the recent snow days home, my kids were getting really sick of being cooped up inside and struggling to be able to play with one another successfully. They both needed more space than was available inside, and they were both sick of trying to play bundled up in the snow, and the … Read more
“We have to leave the park in five minutes.” “How about six?” “You need to work on this for ten minutes.” “No, I choose nine!” What do you say next? Do you dig your heels in? Fight for that sixty seconds? That sixty grumpy, angry, dysregulated seconds, that might just poison the whole thing? I … Read more
My kids built an obstacle course together out of pillows and mats in our house. My son went on it first. When he got to the end, he flopped down on the mats, laying down across several of them and blocking the way. My daughter had waited her turn and now she asked him to … Read more
Exerting power over a child just for the sake of exerting it is a threat to the child’s feelings of safety, and they know it. They’ve been living in this world for however many years, and they’ve learned it. They might not be able to say it in words, but they feel it innately. Children … Read more
Two stories about power and powerlessness. A child and an adult were entering a classroom, together, one on one. The child skipped ahead of the adult through the open door of the classroom, zigzagged to the left and the right, saw the mini trampoline in the room and beelined toward that, did a single jump … Read more
Okay, after my last post, you might be asking, how do we give kids power and autonomy? Honestly, a different way to ask this same question might be, how do we protect their right to their own power and autonomy? Because in the absence of adult interference, kids will find the ways that they want … Read more
There’s a quote that I’ve seen on the internet that goes like this. “Sometimes people use ‘respect’ to mean ‘treating someone like a person’, and sometimes they use ‘respect’ to mean ‘treating someone like an authority’. So sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say, ‘If you won’t respect me, I … Read more
A couple of weeks ago my son, who’s 5, needed to have dental work done for the first time in his life. It wasn’t extensive and there wasn’t any drilling, but just the process of having to go to a scary place and have someone put their hands and tools in his mouth was hard … Read more