Immediate obedience is a fear response. There isn’t immediate obedience when you’re committed to parenting your children without making them afraid of you. Sometimes your kid just needs a second to process what you asked them. They’re not afraid of you, so they don’t fearfully freeze while they process, or override their logic brain that … Read more
When you were a child, if you had said, “I’m so mad right now,” would you have been safe? If you had said, “I’m furious—I need a break, get away from me!” If you had screamed, “No!” Would you have been safe? Physically? Emotionally? At home? At school? I hope the answer is yes. I … Read more
My conference this week was absolutely amazing. I have a million thoughts rattling in my head and they need some time to condense into ways to explain myself, to share with you about what I learned, what I was able to share, what all this week meant to me. I’m going to share this, though … Read more
Everybody in the world has one (or more) sensory processing styles; we all process input from the world around us. One theory of thinking of these processing styles uses 4 quadrants to describe them: sensory seekers, sensory avoiders, sensory sensitive, and sensory “missers”. This post assumes you already know those 4 terms, and applies them … Read more
I’ve written before on here about my own strategy of enjoying yelling along to music, as a means of preemptively self-regulating. Because when I’m stressed out, I have a tendency to want to yell (at my kids), so I take that need, recognise it, and preemptively meet it in a non harmful way, when I’m … Read more
While I was opening my car door, I accidentally scraped my middle fingernail against the dirty car surface for a split second. I could feel in vivid, explosive detail each grain of grit shoving up under my already quite short nail. I’m gagging as I type this. I wiped my hand on my trousers and … Read more
As more and more parents, caregivers, and adults start undertaking the work of helping the next generation of children feel safe to express their feelings rather than repeat unhealthy habits from the past, it can be hard knowing where to begin or which way is up. Co-regulation, self-regulation, interoception, what do these words mean? What … Read more
Somebody asked me the other day if I’ve ever written a post defining what modeling is. I haven’t, but it’s a good idea since I suggest modeling things for children basically constantly. 🙂 I think I probably picked up the language from time in the AAC (augmented/alternative communication) community, because there’s a growing push and … Read more
“I want you to build a tower,” I say. You agree, and you stand up to go get the bucket of blocks off the shelf. I shake my head sternly. “No. Did I tell you you could get up? Sit down. Build a tower.” You look confused. You point over at the bucket of blocks. … Read more
I want you to imagine for a moment that…everything is really good right now. Imagine that all the things on your to-do list that feel like “have to”s (instead of “get to”s) are taken care of. Someone is going to bring you dinner and it’s food you love and your body is hungry for it. … Read more