Both Sadnesses

If a child feels the deepest depths of sadness they’ve ever felt, and expresses it by becoming silent, laying their head down on their desk, and silent tears rolling down their face — adults will probably offer them comfort. Maybe tissues, maybe hugs, maybe a quiet listening ear. If a child feels the deepest depths … Read more

A Reframe On Threats

A young child whose toy is snatched away might instinctively hit the child snatching their toy. An older child whose toy is snatched might say, “Hey! Give me that or I’m gonna hit you!” Both of these situations might be triggering or upsetting to the adult intervening. And it might be hard to see the … Read more

Behaviorist Allergy Plan

DOCTOR’S REPORT PATIENT: Kelsie Olds DOB: XX/XX/XXXX CONCERNS: Patient’s family report that the patient is continually making annoying noises with their nose, mouth, and throat. These include: sneezing frequently, blowing nose frequently, making a scratching noise with throat and mouth. There are other behavioral concerns as well. The patient uses their hands to excessively rub … Read more

Immediate Obedience

Immediate obedience is a fear response. There isn’t immediate obedience when you’re committed to parenting your children without making them afraid of you. Sometimes your kid just needs a second to process what you asked them. They’re not afraid of you, so they don’t fearfully freeze while they process, or override their logic brain that … Read more

Would You Have Been Safe?

When you were a child, if you had said, “I’m so mad right now,” would you have been safe? If you had said, “I’m furious—I need a break, get away from me!” If you had screamed, “No!” Would you have been safe? Physically? Emotionally? At home? At school? I hope the answer is yes. I … Read more

The Going Through Things Is The Process

When adults ask me for advice, sometimes they’ll ask about a child who’s going through something that’s legitimately difficult. A big life transition (new baby is a common one), a grief or loss, something traumatic having happened, etc. They might ask me something like, “How am I supposed to help them process this happening? I … Read more