Ten things I could’ve done when my kid didn’t want to brush her teeth… Nonverbal cue: Set the toothbrush down next to my kid. Toothpaste already loaded. Wordlessly. Offer alternatives: Mouthwash, floss, a different flavor of toothpaste… Playful: Announce that I see something silly in my kid’s mouth, and how I need to get it … Read more
There have been quite a lot of times in my adult life when I’ve needed to talk to my husband about something but been unable to speak about it. Some of those times, the words have just lived inside of me. I think about them over and over, or maybe even make plans to say … Read more
Three scenarios about my children (5 and 4) (fictionalized, but compiled from real scenarios) and the way that parenting shifts based on what actually happens…instead of what I might imagine will happen. *** Summer: I’m a scary monster and you run away from me. Apollo: OK. AAAAH!!!!! Scary monster! Summer: (super offended) NO! I’m not a … Read more
I’ve recently seen some confusion about how empathy develops in children. Someone might say, “You can’t expect children to start showing empathy or take someone else’s perspective until they’re 7+”, and someone else might argue, “But toddlers and even babies absolutely seem like they’re being empathetic—so we can expect it of them.” The truth is … Read more
If a child feels the deepest depths of sadness they’ve ever felt, and expresses it by becoming silent, laying their head down on their desk, and silent tears rolling down their face — adults will probably offer them comfort. Maybe tissues, maybe hugs, maybe a quiet listening ear. If a child feels the deepest depths … Read more
Immediate obedience is a fear response. There isn’t immediate obedience when you’re committed to parenting your children without making them afraid of you. Sometimes your kid just needs a second to process what you asked them. They’re not afraid of you, so they don’t fearfully freeze while they process, or override their logic brain that … Read more
When you were a child, if you had said, “I’m so mad right now,” would you have been safe? If you had said, “I’m furious—I need a break, get away from me!” If you had screamed, “No!” Would you have been safe? Physically? Emotionally? At home? At school? I hope the answer is yes. I … Read more
When adults ask me for advice, sometimes they’ll ask about a child who’s going through something that’s legitimately difficult. A big life transition (new baby is a common one), a grief or loss, something traumatic having happened, etc. They might ask me something like, “How am I supposed to help them process this happening? I … Read more
Imagine how unsafe you would have to feel before you would punch somebody. Imagine how threatened you would have to feel before you would intentionally knock things over and run away. Imagine how distressed you would have to be to throw yourself to the floor rather than go somewhere. Really imagine it. Really imagine your … Read more
Someone asked me what to do when one of their children was distressed by the other child crying. Their kids were 6 and 4, and so are mine. The 4 year old especially would cry quite often, and the parent wants to give the child space to cry and feel like all their feelings are … Read more