Once you start paying attention to how often adults say “listen” to euphemistically mean “obey”, it’s hard to get it out of your head. I think many of the adults I know are trying very hard to be gentle and respectful with kids, and they would feel wildly uncomfortable saying the exact same sentences if … Read more
Someone recently told me, “Ugh, I know that the 3yos in my preschool class are supposed to be wiggly and playful and loud and silly. But I know that they’ll have higher expectations in the 4yos class next year. I’m always torn between letting them be themselves, and trying to prepare them for what will … Read more
Exerting power over a child just for the sake of exerting it is a threat to the child’s feelings of safety, and they know it. They’ve been living in this world for however many years, and they’ve learned it. They might not be able to say it in words, but they feel it innately. Children … Read more
This quote sums up everything I’ve ever tried to say about “behavior” and does it so perfectly succinctly in four sentences. What’s the best-case scenario? That instead of wanting to get revenge on children for the ways they act that inconvenience, bother, or annoy us, we start to soften. We start to see them empathetically. … Read more
“They’re actually not playing dangerously.” I tell this to my own body. My own nervous system. My own fight-or-flight response. Because of the way the noise feels. It pounds against my ears. It sends jolts down my skin. What I want to do is hide. What I want to do is cry. What I want … Read more
We have an outdoor toddler climbing frame/play set in our house. It was outdoors for the first 6 months or so of us living here. Then it became apparent that the extended period of cold weather in England compared to what we were used to the last place we lived, meant that my kids were … Read more
This post has an audio and video recorded version for those who prefer to learn by hearing rather than by reading. Scroll to the bottom for the video of me reading it. Someone recently asked me, “I want my child to know that they can feel their full range of emotions without any emotion being … Read more
My son huffed at a puddle that he didn’t want to be there the other day and said, “The rain is making bad choices!” It made me laugh, because it was cute and funny. And then it made me think, because most of the adults I know who say, “___ is making bad choices,” are … Read more
“Did you know,” he tells me, his feet kicking off the ground to push the swing again, “that if you wake up before 3 AM, there’s a 1 in 3 chance it’s because you heard somebody breaking into your house?” “Hmmm,” I answer reflexively. I’m sitting on the floor with my knees up, facing in … Read more
It can be really tricky to teach children how to understand the emotions inside of their bodies. It feels obvious after you already know all the emotion words — maybe, depending on how in tune you actually feel with your ability to interpret your own emotions! — but it’s much harder to do from the … Read more