A year ago, my children, who were 5 and 6 at the time, had similar-aged friends come over to the house. The four of them all played together, running around the house and roughhousing.
One friend didn’t really get physically hurt, but the play got too rough and they were emotionally a little overwhelmed and started crying.
My husband set a big foam mat down on the floor and said, “This is for when anybody needs to take a break. If a kid sits here, the other kids know that they need some space and to leave them alone. Then they can get off when they’re ready.”
It captivated all four kids. At one point, three kids were each sitting on their own foam mats, just having a moment.
When he told me this story, I loved how it took the concept of “behavior is communication” and expanded it one step further:
“I know verbal communication is hard, so here is a set way that you can convey an agreed-upon thing with only your behavior — no words necessary.”
Taking this principle and applying it outward, I could think of many use cases…
At home: “If you don’t like to eat something, you can put it on this extra plate. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to.” (Kid feels safe to explore food, doesn’t have to come up with how to politely verbalize “I don’t want this” at a time when they might be feeling stressed.)
At school: “If you’re still working on your project, keep sitting down. If you’re feeling done and ready for a break, go ahead and stand up. Let’s talk quietly so we don’t interrupt those who are still working: break people, raise your hand if you want me to come chat with you about how it’s going while you stretch.”
In the car: “Hey I love you and I missed you today! If you want to talk with me about your day, push this button that turns the music off. If you just want to chill out, then I won’t say anything else and we can just drive.”
What’s a time when you preemptively offer a behavioral communication option to your child, self, or partner? How could you implement one in this upcoming week during a time when finding the right words is tricky?
