I’ve recently seen some confusion about how empathy develops in children. Someone might say, “You can’t expect children to start showing empathy or take someone else’s perspective until they’re 7+”, and someone else might argue, “But toddlers and even babies absolutely seem like they’re being empathetic—so we can expect it of them.” The truth is … Read more
If a child feels the deepest depths of sadness they’ve ever felt, and expresses it by becoming silent, laying their head down on their desk, and silent tears rolling down their face — adults will probably offer them comfort. Maybe tissues, maybe hugs, maybe a quiet listening ear. If a child feels the deepest depths … Read more
A young child whose toy is snatched away might instinctively hit the child snatching their toy. An older child whose toy is snatched might say, “Hey! Give me that or I’m gonna hit you!” Both of these situations might be triggering or upsetting to the adult intervening. And it might be hard to see the … Read more
DOCTOR’S REPORT PATIENT: Kelsie Olds DOB: XX/XX/XXXX CONCERNS: Patient’s family report that the patient is continually making annoying noises with their nose, mouth, and throat. These include: sneezing frequently, blowing nose frequently, making a scratching noise with throat and mouth. There are other behavioral concerns as well. The patient uses their hands to excessively rub … Read more
Immediate obedience is a fear response. There isn’t immediate obedience when you’re committed to parenting your children without making them afraid of you. Sometimes your kid just needs a second to process what you asked them. They’re not afraid of you, so they don’t fearfully freeze while they process, or override their logic brain that … Read more
When you were a child, if you had said, “I’m so mad right now,” would you have been safe? If you had said, “I’m furious—I need a break, get away from me!” If you had screamed, “No!” Would you have been safe? Physically? Emotionally? At home? At school? I hope the answer is yes. I … Read more
When adults ask me for advice, sometimes they’ll ask about a child who’s going through something that’s legitimately difficult. A big life transition (new baby is a common one), a grief or loss, something traumatic having happened, etc. They might ask me something like, “How am I supposed to help them process this happening? I … Read more
Imagine how unsafe you would have to feel before you would punch somebody. Imagine how threatened you would have to feel before you would intentionally knock things over and run away. Imagine how distressed you would have to be to throw yourself to the floor rather than go somewhere. Really imagine it. Really imagine your … Read more
Lying in prone (aka on your tummy) and propping up on your elbows to play—even to play electronics!—is important work. It strengthens the muscles in your core. It strengthens and stabilizes the joints that are propping up—the elbows, the shoulders. Even when I get tired or unfocused at work, I’ve been known to put what … Read more
When I wrote about my “biggest marker in the world” (aka a Sharpie Magnum), someone in the comments suggested that we could like, tape a marker to a big stick or a big cardboard tube and actually make the biggest marker in the world. So, we taped a marker to a 3 foot cardboard tube … Read more