Someone recently told me, “Ugh, I know that the 3yos in my preschool class are supposed to be wiggly and playful and loud and silly. But I know that they’ll have higher expectations in the 4yos class next year. I’m always torn between letting them be themselves, and trying to prepare them for what will … Read more
This quote sums up everything I’ve ever tried to say about “behavior” and does it so perfectly succinctly in four sentences. What’s the best-case scenario? That instead of wanting to get revenge on children for the ways they act that inconvenience, bother, or annoy us, we start to soften. We start to see them empathetically. … Read more
[Image description: A four-panel cartoon by @Revelatori. The story throughout the four panels shows that in the first panel, a stormcloud held by an adult is raining on a child. In the next panel, the child has grown up and is holding the stormcloud over a new child, and same in the third panel. In … Read more
Something I’ve been trying out lately is counting to a hundred. I do it when I’m impatient with my kids for no actual reason. So I’m not saying this is for when you actually have somewhere you need to be. I’m thinking of times when I’m taking my kid home from daycare and she stops … Read more
It’s confusing to be a toddler. Toddlers often want to be “big kids” and be grown up (especially if they have older siblings)…but they may also really want to be “babies” and be taken care of (especially if they have younger siblings). They may go through long phases of wanting one or the other for … Read more
This post has an audio and video recorded version for those who prefer to learn by hearing rather than by reading. Scroll to the bottom for the video of me reading it. On a recent post, I mentioned that I wanted to see if a child could do a particular task—I think it was cutting … Read more
You may have heard the advice to tell your kids what they CAN do, and not what they CAN’T do. Or, to say your POSITIVE expectations, not your NEGATIVE expectations. An example of this might be that your child goes running around the edge of the pool, and you remind them, “We need to walk … Read more
My friend Jessica, who runs the page Once Upon an Upset, once wrote: “So many of us are afraid of getting taken advantage of that we forget the option of offering grace.” It’s strange that this is true of adults and children, but it is, nevertheless, true in my experience. I think it has to … Read more
Two people have asked me questions about reward charts in the last week or so, so that seemed like a reasonable question to answer next. The reason for both of them asking it was because I put “reward charts” — i.e., you do x, you get a sticker on your chart (and often when you … Read more
A few days ago, I was holding one of my children, who was distressed and melting down. We were sitting together on the couch while they sobbed, and then settled down, and then would remind themselves of why they were upset and start sobbing again. Meanwhile, their sibling was playing happily and extravagantly in the … Read more