I wrote recently about preemptive co-regulation with my child — when I stepped in to help regulate escalating emotions and energy back down before a meltdown had even started. Here’s another example.
I’m gonna be slightly technical here and say that this was an example of me defusing silly-dysregulation. I have loads of writing on here about angry-dysregulation but comparatively less about silly-dysregulation. It’s also about silly-dysregulation that I defused with low-energy, pressure, proprioceptive sensory input, and rhythmic vestibular sensory input. Sorry, I know that’s jargon. I’m putting it here for me to be able to search for this post in the future! Now let me try to translate into lay terms.
So, sensory input is hugely important to how people regulate the energy in their bodies. Why this example is interesting is because a lot of times when a kid is silly-dysregulated, I am more likely to try to help them move that energy out of their body with high-energy techniques. Like, “how about we go outside and run around” or “let’s jump on the trampoline!”
But instead, I’m telling a story about doing it in a low-energy way.
Okay. Time to stop telling you about the story and just tell you the story.
So one of my kids (I have two kids, 8 & 7) was getting dysregulated in a silly way. Throwing small things at the other kid, saying inappropriate things to the other kid, their voice getting louder and out of control, and laughing with increasing hysteria at the “naughty” things they were doing.
They flopped onto the couch and started to roll around while they kept saying inappropriate things. Hmm, interesting…flopping and rolling around in blankets and cushions gives you a lot of pressure-proprioceptive sensory input…almost like their body knew and was working its way toward getting regulated again, but couldn’t quite get there by itself ☺️
The other sibling was playing on their iPad and looked up to start to get annoyed from being taunted at. I waved at them and pointed back at the iPad hopefully indicating “it’s ok I’ve got this, just ignore them.” They looked annoyed but ignored it — excellent, one kid safe and out of the way.
“Alright, come here you,” I said playfully to the other kid, joining them on the couch and gathering them into my lap (even though they’re very nearly the size of me!)
I put my arms around them and did a big, tight squeeze. They were literally giggling nonstop, hysterically. I waited for any indication that I was bothering or upsetting them. In all honesty, sometimes silly-dysregulation crumbles into angry- or sad/tearful-dysregulation, and I fully expected that to happen — if I had had to guess, I guessed that I would give them a squeezy hug and they would burst into some needed tears.
But nope, no tears, no bother. They were still giggling in an out of control way.
I did a loud, humming breath in and out and squeezed again. “Squish squish,” I said. Then I rubbed my hands firmly on their shoulders and upper arms. “Squish squish squish. Sometimes people need their mom to squeeze them and love them when their energy is reeeeally big.”
Once again, I waited for any indication that they were annoyed, bothered, feeling like I was touching them unwantedly, etc and got none. My kid is not a freeze or fawn type of kid — if they don’t like something they will Let You Know — so I felt like it was safe to keep doing what I was doing.
I wrapped my arms around them yet again and this time began rocking rhythmically back and forth a bit. Rocking is a powerfully soothing sensory input.
Almost instantaneously they said “sing my baby songs!”
So I sang the songs I used to sing them to sleep with when they were a baby and a toddler. The ABCs, Twinkle Twinkle, You Are My Sunshine, The Itsy-Bitsy Spider…
I finished Itsy-Bitsy Spider with an old inside joke of changing some of the lyrics to be silly. My kid gave a tiny little laugh of acknowledgement, but the out of control sillies had passed.
They leaned back against me and said “my energy got small. You did it!”
“I think sometimes your brain gets like big angry energy and sometimes it gets big silly energy,” I said, offering a “drip” of information.
“And you take care of my energy.”
“Yeah. I love you to be silly and have fun, I just want everybody on our family to have fun too, cause we’re on the same team.”
“And can you make me a smoothie?”
One smoothie later (more proprioceptive sensory input to suck thick liquids through a straw!) and we are all a little more regulated together.